


All He Needs

by sunshineflying



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Coming Out, Friends to Lovers, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-01
Updated: 2015-06-01
Packaged: 2018-04-02 08:50:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,577
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4053949
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunshineflying/pseuds/sunshineflying
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Niall is out and proud at uni, but back in Ireland nobody knows he's gay - not even his family. After some conversation with his best friend and roommate Zayn, as well as their friends Liam and Louis, he knows it's time to just go home and be honest with his family. His crush on Zayn complicates things a bit, especially when Zayn offers to go to Ireland with Niall as moral support, but he follows through with it anyway.</p>
            </blockquote>





	All He Needs

**Author's Note:**

  * For [tobedwithacupoftea](https://archiveofourown.org/users/tobedwithacupoftea/gifts).



> Thanks to my beta Mariah for looking this over so quickly!
> 
> To the prompter, tobedwithacupoftea, I really hope you enjoy this fic! I had a lot of fun filling this prompt <3

For Niall, going to London for Uni meant one thing: getting to _really_ be himself.

When he gets to London on his first day, he doesn’t scream at the top of his lungs that he’s gay or anything, but he doesn’t try to hide it either. He flirts with guys who seem to be flirting back and he falls in with a group of guys who like going out to the same gay bars together. It’s what he’s always wanted, but was just too scared to give himself in Ireland. He wasn’t exactly _out_ back home.

Liam and Louis are great; they’re funny and perfect complements of  each other, and they really helped Niall feel at home in London, in different ways. Louis is the guy who’s always urging Niall to go “dance on that guy!” or to “give that guy your number, don’t be _shy_ , Neil,” and he’s a big part of the reason why Niall feels so comfortable being out while he’s at uni. Liam, on the other hand, is supportive in that way too, but he’s more like a best friend than a wingman when it comes to going out. He’s shown Niall and Zayn around London, as he’s a year older than them in school, and he set them both at ease.

Now Zayn… he’s the most interesting guy Niall’s ever met, and he’ll insist upon that if anyone ever asks him. Zayn’s out and proud but at the same time he’s so quiet about it. He’s the opposite of Niall in some ways – studious, quiet, reserved at times – but in other ways he’s the exact same as him, like when he wanders around in nothing but his pants or plays video games in the middle of the night because he can’t fall asleep.

Basically, he’s the best roommate Niall could have ever asked for.

And sure, sometimes Niall has dreams about Zayn that leave him with a rather embarrassing situation in the morning, but he doesn’t act on it. He’s just getting used to being out and being able to be who he is – he’s hesitant to get into any sort of relationship. Plus, he doesn’t want to ruin the friendship that they have. Niall’s never had a friend quite like Zayn in his life, and he doesn’t want to lose him over a silly crush.

On top of all of that, he’s still struggling with things back home.

His parents are great, and he really loves them, but they’re also conservative Irish Catholics that don’t see any place in “normal” life for gay relationships. They’re against gay marriage, even if the vote got passed in the country to allow it, and Niall’s sure that he’d lose at least one of them if he were to come out. It’s why he stayed in the closet when he still lived in Mullingar, finishing up his A-levels.

But his mum seems open-minded at times, and she’s always said she’ll support him no matter what, so Niall’s still holding out hope that one day when he’s feeling brave enough, he can come out and she’ll still love him. He’s not sure where things will go if he tells his dad, but he likes to convince himself that his mum has enough of a hold over his dad to push her influence off onto him, convincing him to still love Niall, too.

Zayn’s always been so cavalier about the whole thing when Niall brings it up. He’s always right on that precipice between blurting it out to them or not, and he always backs down.

“How did you tell your parents?” Niall asks one night as they’re lying in bed with the lights off.

They’re nearing winter holidays and Niall knows he should tell them now – it’s not as though his Facebook photos from numerous parties are all that innocent, and it’s probably better if they hear it from him. He knows it’s time to come out to them but it’s terrifying, and he’s not even sure where to start going about it.

Zayn laughs even if the situation is too somber for that, and he says, “It was sort of an accident, I guess,” he starts. “I was young. I guess I’m one who’s always known?” He pauses, choosing his words. “I was like eleven or twelve and my sisters were bugging me about which girl I liked most at school,” Zayn explains. “We were all at dinner and I was _so_ embarrassed so I just shouted that I liked boys. Everyone was silent and it was fucking scary, but I just went back to eating like it was no big deal. And I guess after that it’s just never been a thing we talk about. They just know, and they’re cool with it.”

Niall forces a laugh and says, “I wish that would happen for me.”

“You never know. It might,” Zayn offers. “Your family could surprise you.”

“Yeah right,” Niall’s voice is tight as he tells him, “They’re super-strict Catholics, remember? Not going to happen.”

“Well, don’t overthink the religion thing,” Zayn shrugs, and Niall remembers that the issue can be complicated in Zayn’s religion as well. “It’s not as big of a deal as some people might let on.”

The room is quiet but there’s a thickness in the air; Zayn can practically feel Niall’s anxiety from across the room. “Just tell them when you get into town. Rip off the plaster nice and quick, that sort of thing,” Zayn suggests. “I’ll even go with you if you want.”

“You’d do that for me?” Niall asks.

He’s been wondering what it would be like for a while actually, seeing Zayn in Ireland. He looks like he’d be so out of place but once they got to the pub he’d probably fit in just fine. He’s one of those guys who can fit in anywhere because there are so many different layers to him. Niall’s really wanted to show him around, too, and to be able to spend time with Zayn away from Liam and Louis.

“’Course I would,” Zayn replies simply.

And Niall’s quiet again because the thought of coming out to his family feels a little less terrifying when he considers the fact that Zayn, his best friend, would be right there with him in case things went badly. He rolls to his side and props himself up on his elbow. He flicks on his bedside lamp and looks over at Zayn in the dim light. Zayn’s curled up on his side facing Niall, his big, dark eyes watching him carefully.

“Thanks,” Niall says. “That… that would help a lot, I think.”

Zayn nods and says, “We’ll get tickets in the morning, yeah?”

Niall’s only response is to nod, and when he sees Zayn’s eyes drooping closed with sleep, he switches the lamp back off and curls up under his own blankets, thankful that he’s got Zayn there to help him. His thoughts drift to what it’ll be like, what could happen if he brings Zayn home when he comes out.

They’ll think he’s his boyfriend, which Niall doesn’t mind much.

Or maybe they’ll think it’s a joke?

Niall’s too nervous to really settle on the most _likely_ scenarios, just the worst possible ones, and it still takes him a while to fall asleep even with the comfort of knowing Zayn will be there with him in Ireland when he comes out.

\----------

“So you’re going with him to Ireland instead of going home for the holidays?”

Liam’s looking at Zayn curiously, like maybe he thinks this is a bad idea. Zayn’s avoiding his eyes as he says, “I’m just going for a few days, I’ll still get to see my family too.” But there’s a look in Liam’s eye that Zayn doesn’t like, and he frowns as he asks, “What?”

Liam sighs, and Zayn’s not sure he’s prepared to actually hear what’s about to come out of Liam’s mouth. “It’s just that… okay, you _told_ me you have feelings for him. Isn’t this like… some sort of selfish thing? Like, you’re going because you want to spend more time with him?”

“I also want to help him come out,” Zayn says flatly. “That’s not selfish.”

“You could have told him to call if he needed anything, instead,” Liam argues.

Zayn looks away and digs in his pocket. They’re out on the front steps of Liam’s flat and he’s itching for another smoke, the way Liam’s nagging. He perches a cigarette between his lips, holds up his lighter with one hand, and shields the flame from the wind with the other. Once the cigarette is lit, he stuffs the lighter back in his pocket.

Cigarette between his fingers, he lowers it and exhales the smoke before he says, “I want to be there for him. You haven’t seen how freaked out he is. I want to be there _in person_ just in case he needs me. A phone call isn’t the same and you know it.”

“I just…” Liam begins.

“Save it, okay?” Zayn interrupts. He looks over at Liam and begs him with his gaze to just drop it. “I’m going because I’ve already bought the tickets so you can’t change my mind.”

Liam looks like he’s struggling to decide whether he should listen and just give it up, or if he should really try to talk Zayn out of this. He decides to just keep quiet and pulls out his own cigarette and lighter as Zayn looks up at the dreary gray sky, exhaling smoke again.

He’s worried that his friend’s too far gone for Niall to really make good decisions. Things could go terribly wrong if he’s not careful, and all Liam really wants is just for everyone to be happy. “You know… you could just tell him how you feel,” Liam offers. “If he knows, then… then it’s not like you guys have any secrets or anything.”

“He’s not going to think I’m using the role of _moral support_ as some sort of game to get closer to him,” Zayn says. “We’re roommates. This stuff is normal.”

“You crush on all your roommates?” Liam asks, the corners of his mouth upturned in a smile.

Zayn just glares at him and lets things rest in silence for a minute. “I can’t tell him how I feel because he’s got enough happening in his life,” Zayn says softly. “And besides, what if he doesn’t feel that way back? That’ll make living with him for the next few months _very_ awkward.”

Liam purses his lips; he knows Zayn has a point but sometimes the agony of watching Zayn pine after Niall is almost too much. “Okay,” he concedes, backing off to give Zayn space to make his own decisions. “I understand. I’m sorry.”

Zayn looks over at Liam, who’s watching him closely, and just nods.

Inside, Louis is lounging around on Liam’s sofa with Niall at the other end. They’re curled up under a blanket and there’s a rerun of a reality show in the background. Niall’s got a pint in hand and Louis is nursing a small glass of liquor. There’s a bowl of popcorn on the table and the flat is a little chilly, but they’re getting by. “So he’s really going to Ireland with you, huh?” Louis asks.

Niall sighs and looks over at Louis; he’s known he was going to have an opinion on the matter ever since they told him what their plans were. Louis is eyeing Niall warily, but even under such an intimidating gaze, Niall nods. He can’t lie to Louis – Louis can read him like a book.

“How do you feel about that, then?” Louis wonders.

Niall’s quiet for a minute. It’s not the sort of question he expected, but he figures Louis has a point he’ll be trying to make sometime soon. “Better than I did before,” Niall admits. He’s thinking about it, really considering how he’s felt since they decided to go to Ireland together, and he says, “I’m just glad I won’t be alone, just in case. Y’know?” Louis nods. “And like… I never expected him to offer, even. He just… up and said it, that he’d go with me. D’you think maybe that means something?”

“Niall,” Louis begins hesitantly. “I don’t want you to read too much into this.” He’s always had Niall’s best interests at heart, even when they first became friends and Niall was still trying to figure out if Louis was a good guy or not. “I just really don’t want you to get hurt.”

Louis isn’t often gentle like this, choosing his words just right and tiptoeing around a larger issue. Niall picks up on it and he senses that Louis is genuinely worried. “I know we’re just friends,” he insists. “I get that. I’m not upset that this is all just platonic. Telling him I like him would just make it weird, anyway. It’s just…” Niall takes a deep breath. “This is really hard for me. I’m risking so much by coming out to my family. I… I’d feel a lot better having someone there just in case it doesn’t go well. And Zayn… he knows my situation with my family better than anyone. It just makes sense that he’d go with me. That’s all.”

“But you like him,” Louis says for clarification.

“Yeah, I do,” Niall agrees. “But I understand that he’s not into me that way. Don’t worry. I’m not going to like, assume that he wants in my pants just because he’s coming with me to Ireland.”

Louis nods. “Good. I’m glad you’re not expecting anything,” he says. “Can’t have you getting hurt while I’m not there to save you, can I?”

He’s smirking now, and Niall knows the concern Louis has is gone, at least outwardly. Louis ruffles Zayn’s hair and just after that, the door opens and Zayn and Liam walk in. “What, have you two been shagging on the couch?” Liam jokes, pointing to Niall’s mussed up hair.

“You wish,” Louis says. “You would have _loved_ to walk in on that.”

\----------

For one brief moment when Niall’s walking out of the airport, bags in hand with Zayn at his side, he thinks maybe bringing Zayn with him back to Ireland wasn’t the best idea. He realizes this could look terrible to his parents and that he shouldn’t have expected the worst out of them.

But then his mum’s hugging him and his dad is shaking Zayn’s hand and it all feels okay again. The anxiety is getting to him; he knows he has to just say it but he can’t – not yet.

Zayn stares out the window most of the ride from the airport to Mullingar, but not because he’s upset or anything. He’s taking in the sights and listening to Niall tell stories about places along the way where he’s visited or done stupid things (or sometimes both) over the years. It’s entertaining and for a moment, Niall forgets all about what he’s actually supposed to do that day.

But then they’re at dinner – exactly where and when Niall decided he was going to come out – and he chokes. He can’t eat, which raises a major red flag for his parents, and then it takes Zayn putting a comforting hand on his thigh for Niall to put down his fork and get his parents’ attention.

“Mum? Dad?”

He looks between them but can’t hold their gaze for more than a second or two because the fear he feels is almost unbearable. There’s a knot in his gut and nothing but Zayn’s hand on his leg is keeping him tethered in reality.

His parents set down their cutlery, faint traces of worry and concern on their faces as they silently wait for whatever it is Niall has to say.

“I –,” he begins, and swallows hard. “I’m gay.”

The silence and worry is unbearable as Niall lets the words settle upon them. He still avoids their eyes and he can’t help but let his trembling, clammy hand rest on top of Zayn’s, which hasn’t left his thigh. Niall feels like each second he waits for a reply is one more second in which he has to convince himself not to be sick, that it will be okay because Zayn is there.

Zayn’s nervous too, but he’s trying not to show it. He doesn’t remember his parents being this stoic, this silent the way Niall’s are, though he was young and probably doesn’t remember the moment with accuracy. But the wait is still nerve-wracking, and he feels his own stomach in knots as they sit in silence.

“We know, sweetheart.”

Niall looks up at his mum, who’s looking at him with tears in her eyes. He’s confused – he’d tried _so hard_ to keep it a secret. There were no traces on the computer’s browser history. He didn’t even come out at school. He’d done everything he possibly could to be the son he thought his parents wanted. “How did you…?” he stammers, because he can’t figure out how they knew.

“Oh Niall, love, we knew it before you did,” she says, her expression sad. “You were always pining after the boys on the playground. You even told me once that your friend Eoighan from playgroup was going to be your boyfriend one day. ‘No matter what it takes,’ is what you said to me, over and over again.”

Niall’s blushing bright red, because he’d had a crush on Eoighan for as long as he could remember. He apparently just couldn’t remember telling his family about it – something rather mortifying, in retrospect.

But his dad’s quiet and Niall’s noticed, he’s just trying hard not to make a big thing out of it. He’s worried that if he looks over and hopes for his dad to say something, it’ll be something terrible.

As it turns out, it’s even worse. His dad just gets up and leaves.

Niall looks down and his mum opens her mouth to speak, but no words come. Zayn feels like he’s going to be sick _for_ Niall; watching the whole exchange secondhand is almost worse than being in Niall’s shoes. He wants to say something or try to comfort Niall, but it’s really not the right time.

Zayn looks over at Niall, who just turns his gaze downwards and nods, like he expected that reaction or worse – like he thinks he deserved it. “You know how he is,” his mum tries to explain. “Very Catholic, very traditional. It’s… this isn’t something we were raised to accept, Niall.”

“I know,” Niall says, but his voice is tight and so soft Zayn can barely hear him.

“I can try my best to get him to try to open up his mind,” his mum offers. “But I can’t make any promises, Niall. But _I’m_ here. And I love you, okay? I don’t understand it and I don’t believe in it but I love you, Niall. You’re my son and I could never leave you. Not over something like this.”

And it’s as much acceptance as he’s going to get, so Niall takes it. Zayn sees a stray tear slip out of Niall’s eyes and he has to hold back because every ounce of him is telling him to wipe away that tear and all the others welling in his eyes. His heart aches seeing Niall like this, the way it’s all bearing down on him that his family doesn’t approve of it. He’s relieved his mum is still there, though. Zayn didn’t know what he would have done had both of his parents rejected him like his dad did.

“I… I should go talk to your father,” his mum says, setting her napkin on the table as she stands.

Her shoes tap on the floor as she walks out of the room and when the latch to the door clicks shut, Niall breaks.

His breathing is ragged as he lets out the breath he’d been holding, the anxiety tying tight in his chest, constricting everything. He’s crying now, full on sobbing practically, and he’s squeezing onto Zayn’s hand like it’s his lifeline.

Zayn’s letting go of Niall’s leg and turning in his chair without thinking; he’s moving on instinct, scooting toward Niall and pulling him toward his chest, letting him release all his tears into the nice jumper he’d put on just for the occasion, to look good for Niall’s family. Niall’s fingers are knotted in the back of Zayn’s jumper and he’s breaking down in Zayn’s arms and it takes everything in himself for Zayn not to break down too.

“It’s okay,” he whispers, rubbing Niall’s back. “It’s okay, Niall. I’ve got you. Your mum loves you and I’m right here and it’s all going to be just fine.”

And Zayn’s not totally sure that it _will_ be okay, but he’s got to say it or else Niall won’t have anything to hold onto. He can’t leave him hopeless, not when he’s like this.

The tears don’t last long because that’s not what Niall does. He moves through emotions quickly, or maybe just pretends to. Regardless, he’s wiping at his face and blowing the snot from his nose into his napkin, apologizing for the mess he’s made of Zayn’s new jumper. “It’s fine. I’ll just wash it,” Zayn insists, wiping the tears from Niall’s red cheeks. “How are _you_?”

Niall looks up at Zayn, and then around the room, and he looks so sad and helpless that Zayn once again has no idea what he’s meant to do. “I should clean up,” Niall offers sadly. “Don’t think anyone will be eating tonight.”

And Zayn nods, because maybe it’ll be good for Niall to busy himself with something. He helps him carry dishes from the dining room to the kitchen where Niall’s carefully sorting food into leftover boxes and cleared plates into the dishwasher. They work together in tandem, no sounds but the clanking of dishes as they do their work.

There’s so much Zayn wants to say or do to try to comfort Niall, but he can’t. Taking advantage of Niall in his vulnerable state wouldn’t be good. He’s got a concerned eye fixed on Niall when Mrs. Horan walks back into the kitchen. “Zayn, could you give Niall and I some privacy please?” she asks softly.

Niall turns and looks at her, and Zayn’s watching Niall with worry. But his mum said it’s okay, so Zayn thinks it’ll be okay to leave. “Sure,” he nods, and slowly tears his gaze away from Niall to leave the room and go back up to where he’s bunking in Niall’s room, to wait it out until they’re done talking.

Nervously, Niall scrubs the gravy off of a plate as his mum walks into the room. He’s busying himself, trying not to face the full reality of the situation, but it’s unavoidable. “Stop cleaning, love. Come here.”

Slowly, Niall stops spinning the scrubber on the plate and sets it down on the counter. He takes a deep breath, dries off his hands in the towel, and turns to face his mum properly. “C’mere, darling,” she repeats softly, holding out her arms.

And Niall’s so relieved he practically runs into her arms. He wants to thank her, or tell her he loves her, but he’s too overwhelmed to find words. It’s all been so stressful and draining that he’s too exhausted to do much of anything. She hugs him with every ounce of love she’s got in her body and Niall’s so happy he could cry all over again. He’s never been one to get so emotional, but this is different. This is a big deal.

There’s the slam of a car door outside and Niall peeks over his mum’s shoulder to see his dad pulling out of the drive. “Where’s he going?” Niall asks, his voice gravelly from crying.

“I told him if he can’t love and accept you for who you are, he’s not welcome here,” she says simply, like it’s the easiest answer in the world. “You’re our baby boy. We don’t have to love your decisions but we’re your parents – that means _unconditional love_ , yeah? That’s how I was raised.”

“I love you, mum. I love you so much,” Niall mutters as he hugs her again. “I’m sorry.”

“You haven’t got a single thing to apologize for,” she insists. “I raised you to always be yourself. I meant it. You mean more to me than any religion or book.”

And Niall’s not sure how to respond to that, so he just doesn’t, and instead hugs her tighter, hoping she really understands how much she means to him, and how much he appreciates what she’s done for him. After a few more moments, she breaks the hug and says, “Let’s finish washing up, yeah?”

So Niall steps aside, back to where he was scrubbing dishes. A few are too big or not safe for the dishwasher, so he starts to wash them by hand, passing off each one to his mum so she can dry them. “So,” she asks as she dries off a skillet pan. “Tell me about Zayn then. Is he your boyfriend?”

Niall looks over at his mum with wide eyes. “What? No. No no no we’re just friends.”

She giggles, and Niall’s cheeks turn pink as she observes, “But you like him.”

And it’s not a conversation either of them thought they’d have with the other but it seems to flow naturally. Niall’s pink-faced and embarrassed as he turns his face back down to the dishes in the sink and says, “Maybe.”

“You should tell him. I think he might fancy you, too.”

“Mum!” Niall nearly shrieks.

And her laughter is forced but she’s making an effort, and Niall appreciates that. He truly does. “I don’t want to ruin our friendship, is all,” he admits.

He’s never been one to go to his mum for advice about much, but he feels like he can talk to her about this. He trusts her with this.

“I don’t think you’d be ruining anything,” she says. “I’ve watched you two since you got here… he held your hand when you came out to us. I think if you told him, you’d find that your friendship would get even stronger.”

“I dunno,” Niall shrugs. “It’s a lot for one night.”

His mum nods and doesn’t say another word about it, for which he’s incredibly grateful. Once dishes are done, Niall dries off his hands and lets his mum wrap him up in another hug. “I love you, Niall. I always will,” she says softly, patting his hair. “Go get some sleep, okay? You look like you could use a good long night’s rest.”

“Love you, ma,” Niall says, kissing her on the cheek before he goes upstairs to his room.

When he gets up to his room he can see Zayn pacing through the crack in the door. Slowly, Niall pushes the door open and gingerly sets foot inside his own room. He’s not sure how Zayn’s been doing through all of this; it’s been so much drama he worries that maybe Zayn just wants to leave now.

Zayn stops in place when he hears the door, and he turns to look at Niall with worry clear on his face. “Is everything okay?” he asks.

Niall nods. He feels too exhausted to speak even though he wants to thank Zayn profusely for being there for him. Without Zayn, he doesn’t think he could have done this. Niall walks toward him without a second thought and wraps his arms around his shoulders. “Thank you,” he whispers as they embrace tightly.

Zayn clutches onto Niall’s waist and tugs him close. “Of course,” he whispers into Niall’s shoulder.

And they hug like it’s the last time they’ll ever be able to. Niall’s trembling a little, still shaken from the events of the night, but Zayn’s keeping him grounded and that’s what he needs more than anything else.

When Niall moves his head to look at Zayn properly, Zayn’s right there. Their noses brush and Niall’s breath catches in his throat. Zayn knows he should back away but he doesn’t; he stays right in Niall’s space, their breath falling on each other’s lips. Niall’s exhausted but now he’s exactly where he’s wanted to be ever since he met Zayn and he’s feeling so overwhelmed he’s running on instinct. He rests his forehead against Zayn’s and breathes him in. He can still smell his cologne and the slight scent of musk, like he’s been sweating as he waited for Niall to come back upstairs. But he smells nice and Niall feels intoxicated by him. “Niall,” Zayn whispers. He doesn’t want to take advantage. Niall looks so fragile right now that he’s scared he’ll make it worse.

Their noses bump and Niall’s terrified that he’s going to lose his best friend in all of this, but the fact that he’s still got family in his life has left him with just enough confidence to do it.

Slowly, Niall leans in the mere centimeters remaining between their mouths and presses his lips to Zayn’s. He’s still holding him around the shoulders and he feels the way Zayn’s hands grip the back of his jumper, surprised but embracing him closer. Zayn responds to the kiss gently, but then breaks away far before Niall’s ready or willing to let things end. “Niall, I don’t… our friendship, it’s just…” he stammers, too shocked to form full sentences.

Niall closes his eyes as he hears Zayn try to voice his worries. He’s had the same ones, but having Zayn bring them up right after the best kiss of his life is still a huge slap in the face. He leans away, nodding, and he feels a lump forming in his throat.

He feels like he’s being overdramatic, like he’s blowing this far out of proportion, but it feels like Zayn’s rejecting him and that’s more than he can handle after such an emotional evening. “Niall wait,” Zayn says, reaching out for him, but Niall’s turning away.

“I could use a shower, and then maybe it’s time to sleep yeah? You don’t have to, I’m just… tired,” Niall says, more to the floor than to Zayn. He feels Zayn squeeze his hand and give it a little tug, like he’s urging him to turn around, and when he looks up he says, “It’s just been a long night. I’m exhausted.”

And Niall looks it, which is why Zayn just nods. He wishes things were easier for Niall, as far as his family goes. He’s terrified that stopping the kiss did more harm than good, but he can’t let Niall do things when he’s emotional that he might regret later. Plus, their friendship is worth so much to Zayn that he’s hesitant to let anything happen past simple friendship.

He reads quietly as Niall’s in the shower, and he politely switches off the light when he comes to climb into bed. They’re sharing Niall’s double bed and Zayn can feel the warmth of Niall lying next to him. It’s distracting, but apparently only for Zayn because Niall nods right off.

Zayn must fall asleep eventually because the next thing he knows, he’s waking up due to the blinding sunlight in his face as it streams through Niall’s window. He rolls over to find that he’s in bed alone, and he frowns as he looks around the room for some sign of Niall.

He’s not there, but there’s a text message on his phone waiting for him when he looks at the screen.

 **Liam:** U KISSED HIM!?

Right, so it’s not a secret then, Zayn sighs. Niall must have either called Louis or Liam and told them, and naturally those two would tell each other. With a sigh, Zayn types out a reply.

 **Zayn:** actually he kissed me but ya I kissed back

 **Zayn:** which was the absolute fuckin wrong thing to do btw

He’s a little frustrated with the situation, especially now that it feels like Niall is avoiding him and Liam is scolding him. Zayn stumbles out of bed and tries to scrub all the annoyance away so that when he steps out of the shower he’ll feel back to normal. He still hasn’t caught a single glimpse of Niall, even when he goes down to have breakfast.

Niall’s mum is in the kitchen, and she sets out a plate of food for him that she’s been keeping warm in the oven. Awkwardly, he asks, “So… d’you know where Niall is?”

His mum looks at him worriedly and says, “I thought he was upstairs with you.”

Zayn shakes his head and looks down at his breakfast, an even bigger frown on his face now. It’s hard for Zayn to really eat much of anything as he worries that he’s really fucked up the thing he and Niall have had, and the text he gets in reply from Liam isn’t comforting, either.

 **Liam:** his mum kicked his dad out last night wasn’t the timeeeee

Liam means well, Zayn assumes, but he’s not making him feel any better about the situation. He hadn’t realized what went down between Niall’s parents as a result of it all, or how Niall might have been feeling about the situation. His mum doesn’t seem surprised when Zayn can’t really stomach most of his breakfast, and instead just says, "Just try giving him a ring, love. He’s okay. This is just how he gets sometimes when he’s upset.”

Zayn nods, thanking her for the advice, and he goes out to the front porch stairs to have a seat before he rings Niall, his stomach in knots. It rings and rings, but nobody answers. Zayn tries again, only this time he can hear a ringtone… a familiar one.

He looks up, phone still held to his ear, to see Niall walking down the sidewalk back toward his house. Zayn’s never seen him looking so worse for wear, but at least he knows where he is and knows that he’s safe. Eagerly, Zayn stands up, and Niall doesn’t break their gaze. “Niall…”

“I’m sorry,” Niall says softly as he stands in front of Zayn. He’s got bags under his eyes like he didn’t sleep much, and he looks like he has a million things on his mind, each and every one of them making him a little sadder. “I shouldn’ta-,”

But Zayn shakes his head and Niall stops, because he’s not sure what that means. “I wanted you to,” Zayn admits softly. “I wanted it and I want you.”

Niall looks struck and surprised, like that was the last possible thing he expected out of Zayn’s mouth. “But… I don’t want to ruin our friendship,” Niall mutters.

“Isn’t that what a relationship is supposed to be? A friendship?” Zayn asks. “Obviously with perks, but like… married couples call each other their best friends, so I figure this is kinda the same thing, innit?”

And that leaves Niall stumped. He looks like he’s still considering whether or not they should give this a go, but then Zayn’s holding his hand as he says, “We won’t ruin anything. I’d hate if that happened. And… it’s part of why I stopped the kiss last night. You mean _so_ much to me I’m scared o fucking it up. But… I don’t want to fight this. Not if you want it, too. But like… there’s no pressure. You’ve been through a lot the past few days and I don’t want you to rush into anything. But… I’m here. And you know how I feel now. So… you can make your own decisions.”

Niall squeezes his hand gently and nods, looking as overwhelmed as he did the night before, but with a glimmer of hope in his eyes. “I want you too, Zayn,” he admits. “Have since I saw you.”

Zayn can’t help but laugh. “Love at first sight, huh?” he asks. “That’s sweet.” Niall looks bashful as his cheeks turn bright pink, and he says, “That’s about how it was for me too.”

Niall relaxes when he hears that, and he smiles back at Zayn. “When you feel ready, I’m here. I don’t think these feelings are really gonna go away,” Zayn admits. “But take your time. You have a lot going on right now.”

But then Niall’s reaching out to cup Zayn’s cheek and for a moment Zayn thinks that maybe Niall’s not as hesitant as he thought he would be.

When Niall smiles, it lights up the entire world, and Zayn can’t fight a smile in return. All the fear and worry in both of their minds disappears when they see the other smiling, and Zayn knows it means something. He hopes Niall feels it, too.

Blushing furiously, Niall shakes his head and looks down at his feet as he steps closer to Zayn, their bodies nearly touching. “What are Liam and Louis gonna say when we leave as friends and come back as boyfriends?” Niall asks, mirth in his voice.

“Pretty sure they’ll say something along the lines of, “I told you so,” don’t you think?” Zayn replies.

“So it wasn’t just me, then?” Niall wonders.

Zayn shakes his head, and there’s still nervousness there for both of them, but they also feel more relaxed. Zayn knows it’ll be okay, that it’ll take time for them to get used to the shift in their relationship. But as it’s a shift they both want, Zayn thinks it’ll be okay.

He dips his head in and his nose brushes against Niall’s. That makes Niall’s breath hitch and his laughter halt, and they freeze for a moment as it settles upon them that they’re doing this for real now – they’re a couple.

It feels big, like there should be pomp and circumstance and someone making it into a big deal but it’s just quiet, the wind rustling the branches of the bare trees in winter. Zayn feels cold suddenly, but his face is warm. Niall’s close to him and that’s all the warmth Zayn thinks he’ll ever need, really.

They’re not sure who starts it this time, but in seconds their lips meet and they’re kissing again, only this time neither is worried that it’ll end badly. They relax into the kiss instead, eyes closed and lips parted. Zayn’s breath is warm against Niall’s lips and he’s holding him so tenderly at his waist, arms wrapped full around him. Niall’s arms weave their way around Zayn’s shoulders again, one hand getting lost in his soft, dark hair as he tilts his head to the side, deepening the kiss. Zayn can feel his heart pounding hard in his chest, hears it ringing in his ears, but Niall’s flushed and holding him tight and that’s a sign that this is good, that this is all okay. More than okay, even.

He feels like he should worry about what people will think, seeing him snogging his boyfriend on his front porch in the middle of winter without jackets on, but Niall doesn’t care, so Zayn doesn’t either. Niall wants to savor the way Zayn’s hands feel at his hips and the way his kisses erase every thought from his mind. Niall feels like the previous day never even happened, and like he’s the luckiest man in the world.

He’s got Zayn now, and that’s all he needs to be okay.


End file.
